Story by: Josh Raymer

As we approach yet another Christmas, I’m sure most of you out there in dodgeball nation have been occupied with thoughts of presents, good food and no school for several weeks (my favorite perk). But, if you’re checking this site or reading this column, chances are your thoughts have drifted to dodgeball at some point during this holiday season. Either that or you’re just waiting to see how long I’ll go before updating the website. Others still might just want to get on the forum and drum up some trouble to see if anybody notices (what…don’t tell me you haven’t considered this).

Whatever the case may be, you’ll be happy to know that I’ve taken the liberty of combining Christmas and dodgeball into a nice, readable package for your enjoyment. Consider it my gift to all you crazy rubberchuckers out there (that word just came to me as I was typing this sentence) as you look forward to the second half of the dodgeball season.

So how am I doing this, you ask? By compiling the Christmas wishlist for my final semester of Western dodgeball, that’s how! Listed below are the gifts that I’d like Santa to bring me and my fellow NCDAers this year. Some will make the league better, some will benefit certain teams and others would just be really funny. Without any further ado, let’s get the ball rolling with…

A win for SVSU over the juggernaut that is GVSU.

I know it might seem mean to wish a loss upon somebody as a Christmas present (well, mean at least to GVSU) but this is something that I think would make the league infinitely more interesting. Right now, we have GVSU lording over the league as god-like beings with the ability to throw a dodgeball so fast it bursts into flames. That’s what it seems like to me, at least.

A visit to any tournament with GVSU in attendance basically turns into a battle for 2nd place. This inferiority complex will continue until somebody finally kills Goliath. A win for SVSU (the only team right now with a legitimate shot at winning every time they play GVSU) would inspire hope in other teams throughout the league. Like it or not, GVSU has set themselves up as the Yankees of the NCDA right now—nobody outside their own organization will cheer for them because they’re just too damn good. As soon as that armor falls away at last, look for the league much more competitive and spirited. Let’s make this happen, Santa.

(I have nothing against GVSU. They’re nice guys, knocked Nationals out of the park last year and love the game more than any other team in the league. I would be wishing a loss on whatever team had dominated for as long as them.)

A full roster for UofL, Miami, EMU, Cincinnati, WIU, the Nebraska schools and every other new team.

Like I’ve said before, this league cannot grow until we add new teams. We’ve witnessed our greatest potential for growth this semester with 12-15 teams expressing interest in joining the league. Just to reiterate, that’s interest from enough teams to double the size of our membership. This is a huge, huge moment for the NCDA. We league members must do everything in our power to help grow these young teams.

That being said, though, it ultimately comes down to the ability of new team leaders to recruit. With the deluge of information on college campuses, it can often be difficult to get the attention of students and recruit team members. As optimistic as I am, expecting the teams I listed above to have a full roster in time for next semester is a stretch. I know it took my team an entire year to solidify our 20-man roster. But the league desperately needs these teams to flourish. Santa, can we get some help with that, please?

More games this semester than have ever been played.

With this being my last hurrah at Western, I want to go out with a bang. I want games every weekend, rivals playing each other and more headshots than a Halo sniping contest. The good news is that it looks like we’re headed that way. From what I’ve seen so far, the spring is going to be crazy. Just in the first month, we have Western’s charity tournament, the MDC and Miami’s first home event. That’s not to mention Western’s rival games at the end of February and March, the possibility of a new tournament, inevitable clashes between the Michigan schools, and of course, Nationals in April. I almost gave myself carpal tunnel compiling that list.

That’s the good news. The bad news? Spring break (never thought I’d start a “bad news” sentence with those words) for every school falls during one of two weeks, effectively wiping out a whole month of games between schools with the different breaks. Considering Nationals is the first week in April and most teams aren’t up to speed until the beginning of February, taking March out of the equation is bad news. I know at Western we barely had time to squeeze in two fundraising games after our tournament. To remedy this, I’m asking Santa to bring the league compatible spring break schedules so teams that want to play each other can do just that.

For every team to have media coverage like MSU did on the Big Ten Network.

Talk about awesome. As soon as Ian Childs posted the status announcing BTN’s plans to film a piece on his team, I was uber-jealous. Imagine the boost our league with get if just two or three more teams got that kind of exposure. It would be insane. Sure, we wouldn’t start pulling in thousands of fans to each game, but if each piece grabbed the attention of students from two or three new schools, that would be an even bigger benefit.

To help make this happen, we have to keep up with the game recaps (thanks to those who filmed one this semester) and the game footage (which was sorely lacking this semester and needs to be stepped up in the spring). After that, we need to repost the bullhell out of those videos. It might even be a good idea to email a TV network (say the Sun Belt network for Western) with a link to those videos. You’re telling me they’d pass up a chance to cover a unique sport like dodgeball when all they’ve got going is basketball? That’s what I thought. Santa, let’s start making some calls.

Now for just a few quick-hitters:

Good-looking and inexpensive uniforms for every team.

What can I say, I’d like our league to look good and save money while doing it.

To have 15+ teams attend Nationals.

Maybe then Western can stay out the GVSU pool. Crap, I probably just jinxed us…

A holiday edition of Average Joes’ Podcast.

Because everyone wants to hear the Big Giant Head speak and Alex develop a drinking problem.

Last but not certainly not least…

Video of a slow-motion headshot on Jason Stein.

Who wouldn’t want to see the league’s most hated player getting domed???

(We love you, Stein)